This is the queer mestizaje which I find in my search for a queer querencia and which I uncover between myself and my family; a queerencia which is at the ends of the world where words empty themselves out.
Queerencia as rooted in the legacy of mestizaje, both bitterly and tenderly, is the epitome of the “both/and” ambivalence. It does so because it is an identity crisis that carries in its affective structures all the contradictions of desire housed in the colonized body which the decolonizing mind strives for and against. Contradictory desires because they shift their value as we move towards them. As soon as we get familiar with the desire, it puts on another mask and slips away into the shadows. Like Tezcatlipoca in the night; transformative, beautiful, viscous and dangerous.

These are contradictions so basic and fundamental that they cannot be processed and the desires so irreconcilable that a crisis forms around it. A crisis that is a crisis, not because the contradictions are untenable but because they are undesirable. Undigestible.

Queerencias are indigestible not just because of the stories we tell but because of the choice we make about what those stories mean.